The Undesired Return

I hate the act of returning. As far I remember, every possible return it’s not a choice of my own will. Gone times are always gone forever, at least it’s what I wish them to be. This undesired return hurts me quite a lot. How I wish it wasn’t happening…

Every time I travel away, through this world out, I never want to visit monuments. Old churches, old monasteries, old castles, old mansions, old bridges are more than old, they are the past. I do not appreciate at all to waste my time watching a bunch of stones very often out of order by the power of time or by the destructive power of human kind. I do hate to be invited to visit museums! Museums are the past. And visits to the past are very seldom a choice of my own will. I rather fight for choices of my own will. Because I own a will…

When I visit a place somewhere in the world I spend my energies watching people. Yes, people. Not stones. People! Who they are, how many they are, where are they going to, what are their expectations. Their hopes. What makes them be this or that. How do they see me, they feel me, they address their sentiments to me as a person, a man, a Portuguese, a visitor. Because to be a visitor in a foreign place matters…

The places I’ve visited are still residing in my memory. In the deepest layer of my memory. In the dead archive, almost. Memories have had their time. Memories are just memories. Nevertheless, once in a while my brain is stimulated to remember. Only then those memories come up to the stage just for the time they serve my present. This is the point: my present! My now. My actual. My currently…

The return to a past I wished not to visit is a sign of weakness. Success is the ability of defining goals and achieve them. Everything out of that is the unsuccess, the failure, the inability to succeed. Not defining goals is failure. Defining and not achieving them is failure. Returning to where I didn’t want to return is failure. I am failing, though.

Returning to where? To the most profound thoughts of childhood where nobody should be pushed to get back. Questionable? Sure. My argument lies on the belief that life is so damned short that getting back to our childhood it’s just like wasting the life we were given the right to live. We are anyhow somewhat protected by the firmware we were born with, which makes us to forget almost everything before we were six or seven years old. In fact, I’ve no idea if we forget or we are not able to save the steps of our life before we are six! Not relevant, anyway, and fortunately we will not waste time with memories of an age we surely would not be very much proud of. Human children are very much flimsy, brain and body wise. We really start being something much later. Let’s say somewhere around fifteen, sixteen…

Where does my present is touching my past, in this undesired return? Precisely at the very same point where I already said, in one of my posts, that for our own sake we should never meet at: the sense of life! This is, of course, only true for those humans who had that concern where they were teenagers. Normally, when we start having the ability of summing two plus two, we start also thinking what we are doing here. What for? Who made us? What is our mission? Our vision? From then on we start putting the right pieces in the right shelves and we throw away pieces we see no utility for. That’s wonderful. Really. Putting order on your own house (brain) it’s a must[1]. Success is when you finish nicely this phase. Failure is when you’re not able to finish it and then you crawl yourself all life long looking for a sense for your life. How I admire the ones going through life without having spent a single second with this issue, the sense of life!

Smartasses of human behavior[2], individual or in group, are very much clear about the name given to an undesired return in life for self-questioning: Existential Crisis, in some cases, Midlife Crisis in other. I rather go for the first because I am no longer at the midlife point[3]. I must confess I am an unconditional admirer of the Existential Crisis. Humans are very much given to crisis as long they are conscious of their existence. Humans do give life for a crisis. The childhood crisis. The teenage crisis. The first school year crisis. The first university year crisis. The existential crisis. The gender[4] crisis. The first love crisis. The second love crisis. The three years marriage crisis. The first child crisis. The five… The second child crisis. The seven years marriage crisis. The midlife crisis. The twenty five years marriage crisis. The three-quarters of life crisis. The menopause[5] crisis. The existential crisis again…

Where does this undesired return hurt? Right in that point at the middle of the intelligent choices I made for my own life. Not intelligent because they were good choices but because they resulted from an exercise of my intelligence. Some were good. Some were sufficient. Some were a disaster. Hey, I know NOW that they were a disaster, not when I took them. This is what growing up or aging is: all of a sudden we realize that a couple of our decisions we took when we were young should never have been taken, if we knew then what we know today. Stupid! Stupid one hundred times. Why stupid? Just because humans will never know when they are fifteen what they will know when they will be fifty. Life has to be lived like we build a wall: brick after brick, consistently, always with the upwards direction in mind. Without big or even none concerns about the first, the second or any other previous rows of bricks. Born and death always living intensively the current row of bricks and looking forward to build the next (upper) rows. This is how a perfect life looks like. And perfection does exist…

Nevertheless, the show must go on. Very often a show-off, but a show anyhow. A show where everyone of us should be a character knowing more or less its role. Some do, some not. I go for those who do, of course. Although falling down here and there, I do believe that rising up after every fall is also a measure of success. Just another color of success. Who said that success is monochromatic? Success is the ability of defining goals and achieve them. No matter the color is painted with, right? This is called survival! Despite being the lower layer in the quality of life scale is still a way of living. As long we keep the state of spirit high enough to keep our mind and our body erectile. As long we keep clearheaded, lucid enough to alternate, free of social infirmities, between the ups and, because we are not able to get rid of them, the downs.

May the gods are there, right where we wish them to be…

  1. When you’re owner of enough skills to do it. I am just wandering through what is considered the standard behavior, whatever standard means in this context.
  2. Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Sociologists and other psy-ists or similar…
  3. In a chat room this is where I would place a stupid Smile showing a sarcastic state of spirit…
  4. Or the sexual orientation…
  5. Or the andropause

Feelings in Black & White

(…)
SHE – Oh gosh! Why’s that, sun of my life?
HE – Because some of us, human beings, hardly express our own feelings.
SHE – I know and that’s why you’re in troubles! What are you gonna do tonight?
HE – Watching TV, I guess! I feel like staying at home kind a calm and quiet! What about you?
SHE – I already told you that… (she sighs)
HE – Sorry!
SHE – Why sorry? Relax, my little love (she smiles)
HE – I’m relaxed! Tell me you love me…
SHE – And why should I tell you I love you?
HE – Because if it’s that what you feel about me it will be great to hear it from you. Unless you don’t feel it and it will be fine to hear it from you anyway. Or… Is it that difficult for you to express what you feel?
SHE – It’s surely easy to say it when I am sure about my feelings. It happens that what I feel about you it’s so weird that it makes me confused. Cause nobody else made me feel like this before! But… I love you because you’re a marvelous human being.
HE – Oh! What you feel about me it’s something weird! Geee… I wonder what that will be!
SHE – I wish I would know it as well! But I know it’s something which pleases me and makes me smile every morning when I wake up and I think about you.
HE – Wow! It’s so beautiful what you’ve just said. I won’t forget those words. Ever…
SHE – Why not? You better try to forget it but it’s almost impossible, thanks to your elephant’s memory. (she laughs)
HE – I better forget it? Well, if you really want me to forget you, I may try it…
SHE – Noooo… I didn’t say you should forget me but what I’ve just said. Anyhow, if you really want to forget me I guess I will understand it even if that will make me very unhappy.
HE – Oh gosh! What a situation… I will never forget you or what you said either. You know why not? Because I don’t want it. Period. Now I need to leave you in peace and let you work. Is that ok for you?
SHE – Ok, that’s fine, but… I already miss you. You’re kind a drug I do want to keep addicted to…
HE – Oh, great! I promise I’ll get back to you very, very fast but now you’ve got things to do. Later on I’ll get in touch with you again. May I call you tonight?
SHE – Yes, darling. Kiss…
HE – See you later then. A little kiss on your sweet lips…
SHE – Oh, thanks. It was well received. With ricochet. (she laughs)
(…)

Nothing new in the East

What can a normal citizen of the so called peripheral Europe say about the invasion of Crimea by Russia? Nothing ! Any reaction will be a very personal one and not at all conditioned by any common European politics[1], regarding this new international incident in Europe…

Soviet Union never was a target of my admiration. Stalin was no better than the murderer Hitler. Ukraine is just a small grain of the huge sand called Russia. Russia is the evil in Europe. What good can Russia bring to Europe? Nothing. Russia should be part of Asia. Should be a member of any coalition, that surely doesn’t exist, with China. The world is divided, definitely. China and Russia do not represent communism at all. Communism was a dream of Karl Marx. Beautiful as a dream, never put in practice, actually. All forms of communism I know, were not more than a cloaked dictatorship of those proclaiming their leadership as as practice of communism. Give me a break, will you? Communism is pure utopia. Cruelty of human beings is a daily reality.

Ukranians and Crimeans represent very little compared to the huge interests of Russia. And USA. And Germany. Russia is not a good example of an European country stepping towards an attitude pretty much far away of wild behaviors like “killing to survive”. Russia and all their mafias[2], freely operating among a population totally away of world wide reality, are simply disgusting. However, they succeed. They have the petrol-dollars power playing for them and that works. They have the military power. They have the size and size really matters. They have the full control of every citizen’s mind. Those very same citizens who, despite being victims of a sassy totalitarianism for decades, surprisingly are still believers in what nobody else no longer believes: communism!

European Union and USA are once again playing with Russia that dirty game already several times played in other similar situations: threats after threats, no practical results yet! Who does really want to challenge Russia and lose all the millions the Russians place in Europe and USA? Who does really want to put in risk billion dollars deals to protect or simply support a bunch of Ukranian citizens who don’t even know what they really want to do with their own country? Ukraine has just one destiny: assimilation by Russia. Why? Because Russia wants back the territories they consider necessary to assure power over their direct adversaries, EU and USA. Kind of a step by step action to rebuild Soviet Union or, at least, to do everything to avoid the escape of former Soviet republics into NATO.

Who’s next, after Ukraine?

  1. European Union never has a common policy regarding international conflicts.
  2. Those very same buying everything in Europe, like Chelsea FC…

Welcome back Winamp ??

After our post “Goodbye Winamp“, last December 19th, something has happened in the finances world and it looks like Winamp has been moribund but definitely not dying! Not yet, though…

The rumor about the possible interest of Microsoft Inc acquiring Winamp was just that, a rumor. However, because good things should never die, good news have arisen

“Returning from the brink of death, music services Winamp and Shoutcast are now officially with a new owner: digital audio business Radionomy has acquired the both media player and radio platform from AOL. We understand from a reliable source that it is a cash and share deal, worth between $5 million and $10 million, with AOL taking a 12% stake of Radionomy in the process.”

by http://techcrunch.com/

What’s now? Let’s wait and see. At least, Winamp.com has got already a new face despite its very little functionality.

Long life to Winamp !

(S)ulfuric flavo(r) !!!

It was seven years ago I first wrote about this Icelandic band, Sigur Rós. I ended that very same post with “Come on, give it a try!! Actually, I just know very few people who love this rock band and buy their CDs as well. And, believe me, I and some of them have very little in common which, on other hand, has been a found that has recently destroyed a couple of my beliefs.“. Today, I should say I keep very much “attached” to this band and I know another live being belonging to the group of human beings who also loves it: my own son! Blood of my blood, flesh of my flesh, what the hell has my son in common with me besides this attraction to a band from the very north of Europe, from where we have been used to expect only cold winds and short days?

Sigur Rós haven’t changed much. Their last album, Kveikur (2013, June), has not disappointed the band’s fans, I guess. Still powerful, still beautifully aggressive, still enigmatic, very much twilight zone, much inside some black hole in someone’s existence, devils and hells, zombies and poltergeists… All that can be found in Brennisteinn[1] here below.

Come on, give it a try!!

In Icelandic

Við skerum á
Augnaráð
Nú stingur í
Ofbirta

Nú bræða óf
Endalok
Svo flæðir inn
Dagsbirta

[Pre-Chorus]
Nú teygir sig og togar
Og tognar út úr öllum ögnum
Í liðamótum brakar
Og brestur í Þau hrökkva úr stað
Rennur blóð í æðum

Í skinninu
Yðar á
Krækir klónum í
Og klórar í

[Chorus]
Nú teygir sig og togar
Og tognar út úr öllum ögnum
Í liðamótum brakar
Og brestur í Þau hrökkva úr stað
Reisum boginn búkinn
Hryggjarsúluna réttum við
Rennur blóð í æðum

[Repeat 6x]
Ekki segja neinum frá

[Chorus]
Nú teygir sig og togar
Og tognar út úr öllum ögnum
Í liðamótum brakar
Og brestur í Þau hrökkva úr stað
Reisum boginn búkinn
Hryggjarsúluna réttum við
Rennur blóð í æðum

In English

We plunge in
A glance
Then strikes
A blinding light

Then they melt
The end
And flows in
The daylight

[Pre-Chorus]
Now it drags and pulls
And tears out every particle
Joints ache
And crack, they are dislocated
Blood runs in the veins

In the skin
Your (skin)
It digs its claws
And lacerates

[Chorus]
Now it drags and pulls
And tears out every particle
Joints ache
And crack, they are dislocated
We raise our bowed bodies
The spine we straighten
Blood runs in the veins

[Repeat 6x]
Don’t tell anyone

[Chorus]
Now it drags and pulls
And tears out every particle
Joints ache
And crack, they are dislocated
We raise our bowed bodies
The spine we straighten
Blood runs in the veins

by Sigur Rós
Brennisteinn, in Kveikur, © 2013
Translation to English found in Wikia.com.
Video clip with original front photo from itself.
  1. Icelandic word for brimstone or sulfur, in English, and enxofre, in Portuguese.

Mike F

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“Q Bonjóia”
by Mike F
Live w/ friends

The Black Panther -the farewell

May you rest in peace, mr. Eusébio da Silva Ferreira, and thank you very much for your huge dedication to football[1] of your country (Portugal[2]) and your favorite club (Sport Lisboa e Benfica).

Eusébio, football player

What else can be said? My favorite team is FC Porto, ever since, I had no many opportunities to follow Eusébio’s career live, I do not like Benfica at all but mr. Eusébio da Silva Ferreira was a gentleman and I do love gentlemen, I do love football, I do love simplicity and professional dedication based on pure and exclusive one’s colors love[3] which are, nowadays, life values pretty much rare, getting every day even rarer, but which always existed on this pleasant football character.

May the gods be with you ever after, black panther…

  1. Soccer for USA.
  2. As a matter of fact Eusébio was born in Mozambique when this country was still a Portuguese colony.
  3. “One’s colors love” is a shy attempt to translate the Portuguese “amor à camisola”, or Brazilian “amor a camisa”, expression which means loving the organization, institution, corporation, social group or any other people aggregation, for itself and not for any kind of fee, salary or wage payment.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year 2014