Who Is She?

I could say I know her. But I don’t. I could say she asked me to photograph her. She didn’t. I could say I asked her to take her photo. I didn’t. I could say I behaved bad stealing her image. I guess I didn’t because she saw me pointing to her my old *istDL Pentax with a 18-55mm Pentax lens[1], she looked at me, she gave a very beautiful smile, she moved her eyes down and she let me zooming her in, focusing and finally shooting.

Who is she?

I took a couple of seconds to take this shot, while she kept that air full of inner peace, seated on that aged wall from that old castle in Óbidos, Portugal. Then I just moved away without even checking, at that moment, the result of the work of the ostensible paparazzo I was. Well, being honest, while moving away, my mind was still frozen in that scene when she smiled and moved her eyes down as she was saying “Ok, go on, shoot! I don’t mind.”.

Who is she?

It’s her smile and apparent tranquility I still keep alive from that October 21st, 2011. Because, the photo itself, it’s just a bad photo taken by an eternal beginner.

Who is she?

  1. With this lens I must be very close to my photo object.


It might be considered “hard” if we switch off, then on, the main power. It might be considered “soft” if we leave everything under power while we put to its original state every single variable in the process on discussion. Whether hard or soft, a reset is always something causing a great impact, sometimes good, sometimes bad. Sometimes might be close to a suicide if the process we are talking about is the human mind.

A reset in one’s life is a very complex and problematic action. Very few feel strong enough to proceed with an action which will drive every life variable to its original state. Well, I do believe that we cannot ever put all variables to its original state when speaking about human lives. What we can do, and sometimes there is no other alternative, is to put some life variables, the most relevant, to its original state and restart from there. Even so, it’s tough and may drive the poor soul trying it to a philosophical chaos out of what may not be possible to come.

You cannot stand what I’ve become,
you much prefer the gentleman I was before.
I was so easy to defeat, I was so easy to control,
I didn’t even know there was a war.[1]

There is time to be full of energy but stupid. There is time to be full of wisdom while almost empty of energy. There is time to have time. There is time when time is not time enough. No matter what, we start living our own little wars since the very moment when our mind is ready to process the good and the bad, the right and the left, the north and the south, the man and the woman, the white and the black, the theism and the atheism, the love and the hate, the life and the death. We’re young while energetic, we’re old when flaccid.

Getting older with dignity is tough. Too tough! Recommendable but condemned to miscarriage. In any case, maybe we should start defining “dignity” but that would carry us on an endless and useless discussion. Anyhow, I have chosen senescence with dignity. It hurts like hell. It brings atrocious pains deep into our bones. Try it and you will easily understand the actual lack of dignity in millions of humans lives.

There is a war between the rich and poor,
a war between the man and the woman.
There is a war between the left and right,
a war between the black and white,
a war between the odd and the even.[2]

Reset accomplished! Emptiness. Silence. Looking around… Nothing moves! Oooh, there’s nothing around me to move or be moved. An entire life built on sand castles, I should say. Too many whipped egg whites. This is not good! This is awkward. Very! Mainly when the time you still have to live it is much less than what you have already lived. Where are the friends? Where is family? Where am I?[3]

Vila de Caminha, Portugal

Existential crisis might work sometimes in one’s life but I do not recommend it, at all, to anyone. Life is much easier when you are so busy that your favorite and very often repeated phrase starts with “I don’t have time for…”. Professionally speaking, those who frequently use such phrase are the ones very unable to organize themselves. Efficiency is not for everybody. The world is full of people never having time for nothing. Those are the eternal complainers about the injustice of having all the load in the world being dropped over them. The bad part of being like that is the fact they will never go very up in their professional career or social life. The good part of being an eternal victim of injustice is the fact that those will pass through life without using more than 2% of their brain. Existential crisis never happens to those people. Portuguese, for instance, love to behave like victims…

Loneliness might be the inevitable state reached after a life reset[4]. There’s nothing solid, consistent, behind me. Nevertheless, past is past! Let’s not shed tears over past mistakes. I have a few regrets but I have also this attitude of looking forward. There is much to fix. Stepping forward, of course, like one of the most important women in my life used to do under worse conditions. I must prove I am one of those using more than 2% of their brain. Even if not much more…

I shall be released…

  1. From “There Is a War” in “New Skin For The Old Ceremony” by Leonard Cohen, 1974.
  2. Same as footnote 1.
  3. Following photo shows river Minho, between Spain and Portugal (Caminha, north of Portugal). I have a very big sentimental connection to Caminha, a very singular and beautiful village in North of Portugal, since I was a teenager.
  4. It’s why today I classify my post Solitude Standing deprecated.

Between the Simple Complexity and the Complex Simplicity

Abstract art[1] is the result of a full time intellectual masturbation performed by complex brains populating this miserable world, where kids get into a movie theater and start shooting everybody[2] like they were shooting ducks during a regular hunting season. Masturbation is still much more practiced by men (who, according to women, are owners of a basic brain) than women (who, according to men, are owners of a complicated brain). Therefore, masturbation, if it wasn’t just a physical relief for a sexual stress in human beings, would deservedly be an abstract art’s vector.

“O rato roeu a rolha da garrafa de rum do Rei da Rússia.”

Intellectual masturbation used to be a frequent verbal expression of my generation when we were somewhere in the frontier between adolescence and puberty and we wanted to classify some expressions or attempts of expressions from somebody who we, definitely, were not able to understand. It was also used to classify some lectures given by some intellectuals who used to proudly stand up there, in the Olympus of the science and sapience, vomiting down here, where common mortals hardly try to stand up, tons of complex concepts which were for us, the kids, just a good reason to checking out if our female colleagues were already having some visible and real tits or not. Within the complex simplicity of things in life, I always gave to female breasts a relevant place in my sexual wanderings along life. I am able now to realize I am not a man able of performing intellectual masturbation. However, I due believe that a man should always perform sexual masturbation as I see it as a good physical and mental exercise.

“Kiki la cocotte convoitant Coco le coquet concasseur de cacao caraco kaki à col de caracul”

Not speaking about sex, I love women! I can very easily respect them, yes I do. What I can not do is to avoid constant comparisons between men an women in my regular conversations. I am sorry, that is something stronger than me. Sexually speaking, I guess I will never understand men making sex with other men. The only homosexual relationship I can stand is the one between me and myself but that would make me speak again about masturbation which is a matter I have closed in the previous paragraph. There are days I get into the conclusion that women are complex animals! There are other when I get into the conclusion that women are complicated animals. Complex and complicated are not equal concepts. Complex stuff is always complicated, complicated stuff might not be complex!

“Idzie Jerzy i nie wierzy, że na wież jest sto jeży i pięćdziesiąt jeżozwierz”

Why is Syria going through what is going through? Wrong question, my friends, wrong question. The right one should be “why should not Syria go through what is going through?”. I guess we have no answers for such complex situation. As a matter of fact, human beings do not know why they can’t stop war or, why human beings cannot live without a war here, a war there. We could speak about religion factors and present as example the green North Of Ireland and the stupid conflict between Catholics and Protestants. However that would be a simple complexity as it would reside on looking for simple reasons for complex situations. We could also say that where there is an Englishman there is a war. However, that would be a complex simplicity because it’s simple to understand why English suck but complex to find why almost everybody in that island is nuts! So, why is United Nations doing nothing to stop this butchery in Syria? Is it because Russia and China are protecting Syrian regime (simple) or because European Union never knows what to do in these cases and USA is still lost in the middle of a dialectic to find the geo-strategic relevance of this country (complex)? Or is it for the same reason which is used to explain survival of that idiotic religious conflict in North Of Ireland? We could speak about social factors but that would be a joke of bad taste, no simple nor complex…

“Trentratré Trentini entrarono a Trento tutti e trentaré, trottellerando”

London Olympics 2012 are on the way but first indicators show that British are not that much organized. As a matter of fact, since the messy security organization to facilities still under construction, British are showing the world how complex can be an event like Olympic Games. I believe I will spend some hours in front of my TV set watching the Olympics because there are countries really investing a lot in this event and some games are really nice to see. London is a town I have never visited! The same I cannot say about Heathrow, the airport. About this I may say a few things, due to infinite waiting hours I spent there, all of them very simple: it’s confusing, noisy and messy but a great window to show English xenophobia, incompetent attendance and total inability of English people to understand other cultures and other languages. I could also ask why all subordinate shop-floor functions are performed by Indians (from India) but that would probably be complex to answer. Nevertheless, let the games begin…

“Fischers Fritz fischt frische Fische. Frische fische fischt Fischers Fritz.”

Nooo, impossible! Germans want to kick Greece off European Union? How come, if Germans are so tolerant about exotic cultures? Greeks are different, yes they are, this is simple. So what? Weren’t they already cheating God when they entered European Union? Wasn’t Portugal already loving sand and sun when entered the European Union? Wasn’t Ireland already drinking beer and telling dirty jokes when entered the European Union? Wasn’t Spain already yelling “olé” during bullfights when entered European Union? Hellooo, fraulein Merkel, where were you during History school classes? Getting back to Hitlerian vision “one territory, one government, one language”? Naughty girl…


Timing is crucial. And what is it timing? The ability of doing things well without turning time to be a relevant cause or effect. When I look at my watch and I see 2012, I know the current year. In principle, I know the before and I estimate the after, years based. Cold way of putting things. It’s the number’s law, it’s mathematical: there’s always one before, one after. It should run fine but it doesn’t! If it would, we wouldn’t be crossing this fucking crisis without knowing who started it and who will stop it. Nevertheless, timing is crucial.

“Карл у Клары украл кораллы, а Клара у Карла украла кларнет.”

The owners of the world have no face. But they have a name: markets! Mankind created a monster which cannot control. Isn’t this an overpowering emotion? After the fire, the wheel, the alphabet, the gunpowder, the vaccines and the spacial rockets, we have now the ultimate creation of mankind: the markets! Consider the Planet Of The Apes[3] deprecated. Bow before the Planet Of The Markets!

May the gods forgive us…

  1. Abstract art uses a visual language of form, color and line to create a composition which may exist with a degree of independence from visual references in the world. (in Wikipedia)
  2. July 20th, 2012 – A gunman wearing a gas mask opened fire in a crowded US movie theater screening the latest Batman film early Friday, killing at least 12 and wounding nearly 40, police and reports said. Witnesses described a scene of chaos at the midnight debut showing of “The Dark Knight Rises,” saying the gunman had set off tear gas bombs and opened fire in the packed theater in Aurora, a suburb of Denver, Colorado. The shooter, identified by US media as 24-year-old James Holmes, was arrested at the rear of the theater, police said.
  3. It works here as a reference to the theory stating that mankind descend from apes but can also refer to “Planet of the Apes”, a 1968 American science fiction film directed by Franklin J. Schaffner, based on the 1963 French novel La Planète des singes by Pierre Boulle. The film stars Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall. It was the first in a series of five films made between 1968 and 1973, all produced by Arthur P. Jacobs and released by 20th Century Fox. The series was followed by a remake in 2001 and a reboot in 2011.

Poor man, rich man…

I could have written “Rich Man, Poor Man” but it would generate some confusion as some people would probably think about the American series with same name, which I followed decades ago from the first to the last episode! No, I don’t want to refer to that TV series. I just want to say something about European Union and the internal economical (but not only) turbulence we are going through due to, probably, a “little” help given by USA.

I am still convinced that USA is the main responsible for our actual crisis. Americans consider themselves, comparing to solar system, the sun around what there are planets revolving while rotating. Nevertheless, I am no longer convinced that USA performed a good move as indicators of deep economical and social crisis are now very much visible in the Uncle Sam’s land. The worst part out of all this mess is that European Union has found deep cracks in its foundations which may be the cause for self collapse. Is it really the “worst” part? Or have we finally found that European Union was a mistake?

The more we sink in poverty the more I believe this is the end of EU as we know it nowadays. There are serious moves from Central and North European countries for a large cleaning operation in order to remove out from the garden the weeds that are still making impossible to turn it to the garden of pure race flowers, exquisite herbs and waters providing the eternal happiness. Isn’t this the basic grounding for Neo-Fascist acts like the one performed by Anders Behring Breivik? Or for the arrogant and petulant behavior of Germans with Greece, Portugal, Spain, etc? Yet, there is too much talk and too few actions in European Union while unemployment grows and overall confidence on a feasible solution falls. Which applies also to the sharks of this very same sea where sardines already know they will be eaten…

Either we take it as “poor vs. rich”, “north vs. south” or “core vs. peripheral”, the disrespect from the rich Europe towards the poor one is constant and growing up. Divorce is a must when union is no longer supported on self-respect between both parties. This marriage is showing high level of fatigue. Saturation is driving the most powerful members to verbal accusations no longer sustained on diplomacy and wisdom. Blaming has replaced acting. Threats are the core of speeches. Epitomizing, the final cut might be on the way…

There always was, there will always be, a war between the poor and the rich. Between the north and the south. Between the core and the peripheral. That’s the intrinsic nature of human race. We are the only animal in the world hurting and killing for its own pleasure. We suck, don’t we? Iraq, Egypt, Libya, Syria, today. Yugoslavia, yesterday. We love war, don’t we? We love to take over someone else, don’t we? We do the possible and the impossible to have other people, even if it is only a single person, under our control, don’t we? Yes we do. Being so, no wonder what is happening in European Union, does it?

May the gods be with the poor, southern and peripheral nations…

Same shit, different flies

I wish I could say this applies only to Portugal but, unfortunately, not. Throughout Europe, the supposed one to be union, a deep political leadership crisis is on the running since a couple of decades with incompetent ministers following even more incompetent ones, election after election, yet with every successor proclaiming to be much better than the predecessor. This is Europe, the Europe of the skinny cows…

I guess nobody understands in Portugal why Mr. Miguel Relvas, our artistic Minister Assistant and for Parliamentary Affairs (in Portuguese, Ministro Adjunto e dos Assuntos Parlamentares), is still part of the government of Mr. Pedro Passos Coelho, the prime-minister, as the mentioned controversial minister is everyday on the top of the news due to gossip and dishonesty matters. I must confess I do not like this guy since I had the displeasure of “meeting” him. Watching him carefully, his facial expression would be enough for me to imagine him selling his grand-mother just for a couple of nickels. And you know what? Last findings about him only prove, once again, I was right in my first sight profile evaluation!

Current European crisis is hurting many Europeans, mainly the ones from the poorest countries like Portugal and Greece. Unfortunately, citizens of both countries suffer from persisting short sightedness[1] which makes them see the very last governments as the only responsible for the actual situation. How could an economical, financial, social and political crisis like this could be created in just a couple of years? Why are Europeans blaming José Socrates, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero or Nicolas Sarkozy[2], among other, for the growing unemployment and decreasing individual buying power in their country? European Union sucks, that is what it is! The solely reasons for the creation of European Union were economical. The solely reasons for the destruction of European Union will be social. In the name of truth, the pure and crystalline truth, tell me: what could be expected from a mixture made of Latin, Slav, Germanic, Britannic, Hellenic and Scandinavian?

In Portugal, José Socrates is gone, Pedro Passos Coelho is killing us with the “non matters”[3] but the shit we are is still the same. I don’t give a damn for what other countries are or are not. We suck! We are lazybones, we are dishonest like the tens of Portuguese doctors issuing fake medicine prescriptions, we are cheaters like the ministers buying their university degrees, we throw away our sons and daughters by supporting our prime-minister when he suggests youth emigration as a solution for youth unemployment, we cheat in school examinations, we push our own compatriots to fake labor contracts abroad, we are insensitive to our parents and grand-parents putrescence, we easily cheat our co-worker in the name of a ridiculous promotion in our job, we love selling cats as hares[4] after what we consider ourselves genius, etc, etc, etc.

Now what? We are not worse than Greeks, or Germans! But at least we could try to hold some dignity and not let to our sons and daughters a country which is little in size and little in mind. Or, it is also an alternative, let us accelerate our self-extinction which we have started decades ago by letting senescence taking over.

May the gods save Portugal… Or not!

  1. Myopia is a condition of the eye where the light that comes in does not directly focus on the retina but in front of it. This causes the image that one sees when looking at a distant object to be out of focus but in focus when looking at a close object.
  2. All of them defeated in recent elections as a kind of retaliation for actual situation in their country.
  3. Every time he has a problem he can’t solve or he is inquired about something he doesn’t know what to say about, he calls it a “non matter”.
  4. Also said “selling cats as rabbits” and in Portuguese as “vender gato por lebre”, it simply means you were conned, you were sold something that looks almost right, but isn’t.

Under Maintenance

We’re are currently maintaining our nRP server which is causing several and unexpected cuts in our radio broadcasting! The best solution would be to buy a new server but economical crisis in this side of the world makes us to be wise people and reserve the little money we own for bread and water…

Those for who life without nRP is senseless, please be informed that we accept donations 🙂 !!! But we know our fans and we are pretty much sure nobody will complain about these broadcasting cuts.

May the gods have mercy…

La Dame Et Le Vagabonde

I feel I know you. I don’t know how, I don’t know why. I see you feel for me, you cried with me, you would die for me. I know I need you. I want you to be free of all the pain you hold inside. You cannot hide. I know you tried to be who you couldn’t be. You tried to see inside of me. And now I’m leaving you. I don’t want to go away from you.

Please try to understand. Take my hand. Be free of all the pain you hold inside.

You cannot hide. I know you tried to feel. To feel…[1]

by Anathema
‘Parisienne Moonlight’, in Judgement (Anathema album), © 1999
Video creation: see inside for credits.
  1. This song, “Parisienne Moonlight” from the band Anathema, is the one I listened to while driving across my hometown and trying to digest a sad moment in my life. It might look like but this post is not dedicated to any woman! NOTICE: this is originally a third-party video which suffered here a couple of cuts and sound dubbing.

The Fields Of Athenry

Impressive! Only this marvelous Irish people could be supporting their national football squad even when this one was being massacred by a much stronger squad like the Spanish one. Only seen and heard as told would be very hard to believe. Have a look at the UEFA Euro 2012 match, Spain vs. Ireland, on June 14th. Mainly the last 6 to 7 minutes…

I believe Irish play and watch football for the football itself, for the fun, for the joy of living, for the honor of being Irish. Impressive! Not as much surprising as it can look like because I’ve never met an Irish man or woman who was not a decent person. Maybe it was luck, maybe this Irish people has something special but the fact is that I do not forget the several Irish I had the pleasure to be in touch with. Besides, back to football, what other team can say it has the honor of traveling world wide followed by such a wonderful bunch of supporters? Maybe Netherlands it’s close to that but nothing compares to Irish supporters.

The video-clip here presents you the Irish song The Fields of Athenry sang by The Dubliners. This song has been very much used by football supporters from the Republic of Ireland. This song has a lot to do with Irish odyssey along times and a lot to do with the usual cruel English attitude before other peoples when these do not wish to submit to their imperialist arrogance.

Ireland, saol fada chugat[1] and thank you for the yesterday lesson…

  1. Gaelic phrase for “long life to you”.